My journey to discovering myself and fool in love was not easy but I know who I am, and I am happy with this person I have grown to.
My story to find it my self-started in small Polish town called Bolkow. In early time of High school and even early I started thinking it is something wrong with me? Why men interesting me more? Why I fantasy about men? etc .After many question and research I was thinking this it is just face in young man live and he wants just to experiment little bit because I cannot be gay I am in small catholic Polish town this it is not acceptable I need act on this feeling before go too far .
I did start to have lots of lady friends. I did thinking even I am in love with one I did try to be with her but I did felt not good with it Why I did break up with her it wasn’t nice breakup I wanted to hurt her but not physical I am not aggressive .I just wanted she hate me because I hated myself and that way I would prove myself that there is something wrong with me. I managed to hurt her but I knew she love me because after same time he she started dated person who it is better version of me look ,name .( I am steel disappointed with myself after what I have done and this will probably stay with me forever)
I made decision to try follow up this path, to be with guy register on dating up/chats and try find it guys to meet up but not in my town because I did no wont people see me with someone or talk about me . It didn’t take me long to meet someone maybe because I was young slim blond(No anymore 😁)but Everyone who I met just wont do one think, not me I was not ready yet for this I wont just chat find it up what this it is abut . Then I did finish my High school and start psychology in university I did pick for my University bigger city more possibility easy access to this new word LGBT people.
Study of psychology give me permission to release it is nothing wrong with me everything it is normal with me and natural how I do feel about myself because it is many people like me who have attraction to the same-sex it is even in animal kingdom or in natura .
I am started then dated I even fell in love but I did end up in controlling relationship with person wo don’t understood word ,,NO,, I did love him and I did not have good example from home or privies relationship after same time I did woke up and started to think I don’t wont end it up like my mom .I did end it this chapter of my life. Later I met person who was living in UK and I did decided to leave my Life in Poland and move to UK and again this love did not last long and I am here in UK on my own in different country with not very good language skills. I stated looking for LGBT friends but nothing else and did met one, but from beginning I told him, ,,we just friends I am not looking for love ,,
We was friends and meet up for drink, chat ,meals and one day after work he asked me to go with him to gay bar( I am not big fun of this please)we did went there and I am meet person there and some voice in my head start talking ,, I can see my live with this person,, But he did not talk to me just his friends who went strait to the topic form beginning ‘’do I want come back with him to home and have fun ‘’ this scare me away and I did say No .Week later I was thinking still about him and I decade just massage to him and see what happened I did 10 years later we are together engage in love but this was not us straight forward how I would like this my ,,friend,, who was supposed to be just my friends he wanted to destroy what we have because he did not wonted be just friends he wonted something more from me ,but he failed.
I am happy in love now and Yes, I am gay.
Still when I go visit my home town I hiding there because live in small catholic community it is not easy.